CATCH-UP - Janice's knight in shining armour

I told you that Roger was a good bloke. Janice asked him for the £10,000 to give to Leanne, so she could buy the restaurant without having to sell herself to afford it. Roger was a bit shocked to hear about Leanne's former career, but after a bit of a think he told Janice he would lend her the money, and if she wanted to give it to Leanne that was up to her. Bless him.

A while back, I mentioned the turkey baster which I felt Violet would soon be employing in a non-traditional manner. This prediction moved a little closer to fruition last night when Violet went to her GP to discuss sperm donation. Since hearing this news, Sean has been wandering around with a thoughtful, concerned expression on his face.

Carla discovered that Paul left everything to her - t'factory, t'swish penthouse, t'lot.

And David Platt wound everybody up in t'salon, but employed serious amounts of charm for old ladies who give big tips. He may be the Antichrist, but he's no fool.

Saving the world, one bottle at a time

Corrie's Beverley Callard has become the face of recycling in the north of England. Life mirrors fiction for Bev, who is a landlady in real life as well as in the guise of her alter ego, Liz Macdonald. She says in that exciting journal Materials Recycling Week (what do you mean, you haven't got your subscription yet?), "My family are all keen recyclers and I’m determined that our business will also reflect these values. I’ll be working with the brewery behind my new pub to make sure we recycle all of our glass."

It's nice to see one of the country's most beloved actresses taking a lead in the battle to save the planet. I was also thrilled that the Kaiser Chiefs have made it their business to remind us to not leave our phone chargers plugged in.

CATCH-UP - New leaves

Leanne still fancies the idea of herself as a restaurant owner. Trouble is, Carla doesn't fancy the idea of being her partner any more (wonder why?). Which leaves Leanne with a shortfall of £20,000. Now, how is a girl supposed to come up with that kind of cash in a week? Leanne has her methods, as we know, and apparently the pay is better in London, so she heads off for the coach station. But when the coach comes, Leanne can't bring herself to get on it (I know how she feels. She should have got the train). Janice breathlessly arrives at t'coach station to find Leanne in tears. Janice says she's very glad Leanne isn't going back to her old ways, and they will find a way of getting the money.

Can it be a coincidence that Janice's plumber/love interest Roger is back on the scene? Now, I must confess to a soft spot for Roger, because Andrew Dunn, who plays him, once smiled at me at Kings Cross Station (see what I mean about trains?) and in real life he is a very attractive man. Maybe not quite in the same league as Liam, but then who is?

Elsewhere, it was celebration time in t'Rovers. It was Steve's birthday, and flowers arrived. He assumed they were from Michelle, bless him, but they were actually from his mum. The only card he got was from Sean. Strange how his own twin brother had apparently forgotten his birthday.

And the older residents of the Street gathered to celebrate the life of Blanche. She's not dead - she just fancied having a wake while she was still there to enjoy it. But it rapidly turned into a scene reminiscent of A Christmas Carol, when everybody told Blanche quite what a miserable old bag she was. She instantly decided to turn over a new leaf and went out in the Street dispensing goodwill and bonhomie, giving Chesney 50p to buy ice cream, telling Leanne that "being a sex worker doesn't have the stigma it once had," and generally being very un-Blanche-like. Until she came upon the embodiment of the Youth of Today in the form of Amber. Being ignored in t'shop while Amber sent texts was enough to have Blanche restored to full crabby glory pretty darn quick.

And in the factory, Hayley is failing to maintain any sort of discipline.

And Joanne came back, having been given permission to remain in the country.

CATCH-UP - Frustration

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air, as the song goes.

I did while watching Corrie yesterday. Firstly, at Gail's parenting skills, or lack of. Oh-Day-vid has been sacked by Bill Webster for causing over £300 worth of damage in t'builder's yard. So what is Gail's response? She's not going to let David off, oh no. She's insisting on him working. So it's back to t'salon. FOR PITY'S SAKE, WOMAN! You have spawned the Antichrist and you are sending him to work in a hairdressing salon! That's really showing him who's boss.

My hands also flew up in the air in sheer frustration at how people who are in love have to have obstacles thrown in their way all the time in drama. I know, I know, that's what makes it "drama," but it gets on my nerves. That's why I can't cope with romantic comedy (which is ironic to say the least). Today we had a grief-stricken Michelle telling Steve (who loves her, she loves him, and they are just perfect together) that she needs him but her son doesn't, the son must come first, hence she is taking him to Dublin for the foreseeable. FOR PITY'S SAKE, WOMAN! You deserve some happiness in your life and Steve MacDonald has "I will make Michelle happy" written right through him like a stick of rock.

I know what's going on really. Kym Ryder and Rob James-Collier (you don't think I'd forgotten him already, do you?) have both had some heavy storylines recently and a lot of screen time, so they're both due a holiday. Expect them both to return with a nice tan in a few weeks.

In other news, Claire and Ashley and Our Joshua and Baby Freddie went to stay with Claire's mum for a while, to "clear their heads." Will Casey use their absence to infiltrate Peacock Towers and sew prawns into the curtain linings and other dastardly deeds? We shall have to wait and see.

CATCH-UP - Sacked! Again.

I'm writing this a couple of days later and Friday's episode is something of a hazy memory. Let's think...

Claire found out Casey's address from Steve (who had driven her home after she went round to Peacock Towers t'other day), so she and Ashley went round there and "tackled" Casey. But that Casey is a cunning one, and managed to twist things round so it sounded like it was Claire who was dangerously delusional. And you know it doesn't take a lot to confuse Ashley.

The factory is not running very smoothly without Liam. I don't know why Sally doesn't offer her services - she used to be an administrative whizz when she worked for Lecherous Ian's Luxury Car Dealership. She'd do a far better job than Hayley, anyway.

And talking of people not doing very good jobs, today we had David Platt diligently sawing up timber at t'builder's yard. Problem was, this was £300 worth of roofing timber he was carefully sawing into bite-sized chunks and then placing in a skip. His plan was for Bill Webster to sack him, and Bill Webster duly obliged. Oh-Day-vid!

CATCH-UP - Case(y) for the defence

(Promise I'll stop the Casey puns soon) Casey presents herself at the police station (what's happened to that Scouse police officer who used to work there? I loved his voice). She's entirely innocent, she says. Later on she turns up at Peacock Towers, yelling at Claire for thinking she's capable of such dastardly deeds and for filling the tv and newspapers with her photo. Claire and Ashley make her leave.

Liam spent the episode slumping around the factory looking devilishly handsome in a tragic way. Not once did he smile and reveal the best teeth in the Street. In fact, by the end of it he was so fed up that he asked Lloyd to take him to t'airport. He wanted to go as far away from Weatherfield as humanly possible.

Here's hoping he doesn't stay away long.

In the meantime, I found an interesting interview with Rob James-Collier (several months old but I just found it and it's worth a read). Who knew that he has a Masters degree in marketing? Beauty and brains.

CATCH-UP - Case(y) for the prosecution

Oh frabjous day! Calloo, callay! Liam's back. With his raven-haired sister and raven-haired sister-in-law and raven-haired nephew. Just back from the funeral of Paul, so Liam's not at his smiley best, but give him time. Needless to say, none of them is in the mood to see Leanne.

Eileen has a date with comedian Sean Hughes, only they pretend they don't know it's comedian Sean Hughes off the telly and pretend it's someone called Pat instead. They did this when Sir Ian McKellen and Peter Kay guest-starred, too. Needless to say, Jerry is not in the mood to see Eileen and Pat kissing, and his sentiments are shared by anyone who might be having their tea at the time.

Better news for Claire, the human embodiment of "stress." When, during a routine service, Tyrone discovers a disposable camera that has been hidden under the seat of the Peacock's car, Claire realises that the camera must contain a photo of Casey, as Josh took one of her in t'park. And she's right! The very second the man at the 20 Minute Photo Shop hands back the blurred image, Claire is off to t'cops with it.

Later on, it's shown on TV. Have you seen this woman? the police want to know. And guess who's watching? Casey herself. Ooh-er. Will this drive her to even more desperate actions?

In unrelated news, Bill Webster was somehow persuaded to re-employ David.

No Can(dice)-do

Oh gosh oh lordy am I upset. I've just discovered that Candice isn't coming back to Corrie after all. Sniff and sob.

But I also read a little rumourette that the man who evaded the Weatherfield gaydar for so long, Todd Grimshaw, may be coming back to attend the wedding of his former girlfriend and his brother.

And I also read that the actress who plays Violet and the actor who plays Jamie are in love - in real life! Bless.

Plus there are gossipings of a very interesting and major storyline involving Hayley - hurrah!

CATCH-UP - Head-Case(y)?

Everybody thinks Casey is Claire's imaginary friend. Or rather, she was Claire's imaginary friend, and now is her imaginary enemy.

It's been so long since we, the viewing public, publicly viewed Casey, that I'd begun to wonder whether she was real or not myself.

But today, we saw her! Peeping through the back gate of Peacock Towers in a menacing style. So she is real after all. But what does she want? And how will she get it? And will anyone be there to see her doing whatever it is she's going to do, or will they persist in thinking that Claire isn't quite right in t'head?

That other fruit-loop, David Platt, is continuing his quest to be the maddest, baddest character in Corrie since Alan Bradley ran in front of a Blackpool tram. In tonight's double episode (brought forward from Sunday because of the final of Britain's Got Talent - which is why they all persisted in thinking it was Father's Day even though it was only Friday), David told Jason he (David) was gay. And of course, since the fragrant Todd came out, Jason has been a bit sensitive about this issue, so he was only too eager to accept David's story. Of course it was all rubbish and just intended as a wind-up, and it worked a treat, but not as well as waiting till Jason was on Jerry's roof and then hiding his ladder. This both upset Jason, and led to Bill Webster sacking David - double result, as far as David's concerned.

In other news, Eileen has got a date with a man she's been phone-flirting with at t'cab office, much to the disappointment of Jerry, who is hankering after Milady Grimshaw's charms but failed to tell her in time.

Gratuitous Rob Collier pic of the day

Missing him already.

CATCH-UP - Tough love

Gail either reads this blog, or she reads my mind (like Matt Parkman in Heroes, who is a perfect cross between a guinea pig and Keanu Reeves).

Because although she hasn't made the appointment with Jeremy Kyle yet, she's decided that what David needs is a bit of Tough Love. So it's no more Mrs Nice Gail, from now on if Oh-Day-vid wants to live at Platt Towers he'll just have to darn well pay his own way.

Typically, Gail's approach is a bit on the namby-pamby side. "Any spare hours going at the salon?" she asks Audrey. But Audrey knows a thing or two about life, and knows that making cups of tea for pensioners isn't going to be the life-altering experience that Oh-Day-vid really needs. And Audrey does have another business after all - so she commands Bill Webster to take on David as an apprentice at t'building yard. Which will also keep him under the watchful eye of his new mentor, Jason.

In the best line of the episode, David regains his composure after being given this dreadful news, and heads for the door, saying, "If I'm going to be a builder, I'll need a vest and a checked shirt."

In other news, Sophie Webster is upset to hear that Fiz is going out with the man I must call John, a man who is also Sophie's drama teacher and upon whom she has (bizarrely) a crush. So she vandalises Fiz's beloved scooter. When Fiz sees the damage she assumes it's the work of Kirk (does she not know him at all?), and rushes to confront him. She says he just can't bear it that she's with John. "John who?" says an oblivious Kirk. Oops. He knows now, and he's not happy.

And Claire is feeling totally paranoid after receiving a silent phone call, and has taken to locking about fifteen bolts on the door.

CATCH-UP - Mentor man

Today, we're pondering the problem of Young People Today. Specifically, the Young Person who goes by the name of David Platt (or "Oh-Day-vid!" in Gail-speak).

"What's he done now?" I hear you groan. He's only gone and burned his exam paper, in the middle of the exam room, before walking out of the school to screams of rage from the fire-extinguisher-wielding teacher and a round of applause from his fellow pupils. Only the plonker is so dim he did the exam first before burning the paper. I suppose it's more of A Gesture that way.

The headmaster had to call round to Platt Towers - right in the middle of Beth's birthday party, as well. This occasioned "Oh-Day-vid"'s all around from Gail, Audrey, Bill Webster, and Sarah.

Now, in this country in 2007 there's a tried and tested way of dealing with troublesome teens. You take them on the Jeremy Kyle show. Jezza would spend a good ten minutes shouting at David onstage, before hauling him off to "boot camp" (a camping trip to Wales with compulsory on-camera sessions with a psychologist). David would then see the error of his ways, embrace Gail in a warm mother-and-son moment, and become a model citizen thereafter.

Gail's solution is kind of along those lines. Remember that Sarah wanted Jason to move in with them permanently? Well, Gail is now saying that this can go ahead, providing Jason adopts a mentoring role towards the boy for whom the only letters after his name are likely to be ASBO.

It's a poisoned chalice, surely, but as Jason has been David's only defender in this episode, and has managed to do so while wearing eyeliner (applied by Bethany), then he just might manage it.

Elsewhere, Kirky still doesn't know about Fiz and the man I must call John, and is still labouring under the impression that he and Fiz may soon be reunited. Bless him, the sad, deluded butcher (he's working for Ashley now, and while he's working he enjoys singing along to - appropriately enough - Meatloaf).

CATCH-UP - Reunited and it feels so good

All I need to say about this episode (apart from Liam has gone to Paul's funeral in Ireland, and I will miss him dreadfully) is that Ken and Deirdre are back together again.

The planet can resume its orbit.

CATCH-UP - The karma after the storm

Nothing much happened in last night's Corrie, to be quite truthful. Maybe they all need a respite after the drama of the last few weeks.

Ok, so Kelly and Janice ending up in a catfight in the street, but that's hardly front page news. It was funny, though - Janice was going at the task like a demented troll. Though trying to defend the final scraps of Leanne's "honour" was always going to be a lost cause.

Elsewhere, Denise the hairdresser has become quite fond of having a man (and in particular, the man who is Ken) in her life, and, misreading the signs somewhat, pounced on him with romantic intent. Nothing is more likely to send him rushing back to the arms of Deirdre, so let's hope she's busy spraying the soft furnishings with Febreze to get rid of the fag smells in preparation for his return.

And Jerry and Eileen continue to bond while they wipe feebly at the smoke stains on Ashley and Claire's wallpaper. Just rubbing it with a sponge won't help - it all needs stripping off and starting again, IMO.

Today's gratuitous Rob Collier photo

Wedding misery

There's one person who is hoping that my prediction of a Christmas wedding for Steve and Michelle doesn't come off, and that's Jenny McAlpine, who plays Fiz.

She's quoted in Inside Soap magazine as saying:

I hate filming weddings! It's so boring. You have to sit in a freezing church all day while they do the same shot over and over again. Honestly, when someone's character proposes, the rest of the cast all say 'Oh b***dy hell!'

Isn't the world of Corrie a funny one, though? If someone in my street gets married, they don't automatically invite the whole street and no-one but the street.

Candice!

Oh bliss, oh joy, Candice is coming back! Only briefly, apparently, but the light that shines half as long burns twice as bright, or whatever it is.

Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to seeing her. I hope she gets time with Audrey - I love those two together (m'darling).

CATCH-UP - A deathly Paul

He's gone. The Connor family now only has raven-haired members left, as Paul Connor and his more generalised darkish hair are no more.

Michelle didn't manage to get to the hospital in time to say goodbye. She wouldn't have gone at all if Steve hadn't persuaded her (he's a keeper, that one). When she finally did arrive, Carla was sobbing over her dearly departed, and Liam was in tears, too. Soon we had a weeping Connor combo (picture borrowed from itv.com website).

Later on, Leanne tried to explain things to Liam, but the poor thing is just raw with grief and literally threw her out in the street (much to the amusement of a passing Kelly).

Elsewhere, Ken offered to move out of Denise's. Daniel looked thrilled with that plan, but Denise said of course Ken must stay as long as he likes.

Eileen and Jerry (formerly known as Sinbad off Brookie) bonded while cleaning up at Ashley and Claire's. That's when good neighbours become good friends (I am really mixing up my soaps now).

And David Platt did his biology exam. This was because Amber bet him that he wouldn't pass. He hasn't done his other exams and doesn't plan to do any future ones, and Gail can't make him - she's not as cunning as Amber, you see.

Bottled

I loved this letter from the News & Star, a Cumbria-based newspaper:

I READ with some amusement the complaint by William Gill that he finds Coronation Street characters drinking out of bottles disgusting (News & Star, June 4).I couldn’t believe that he was so upset that he felt the need to write in to the local paper to complain.There obviously can’t be much wrong in the world if this is all that gets his dander up! What about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the fortnightly rubbish collections, the list is endless.Mr Gill even points to the fact that the bottles are usually green; does this make the habit more disgusting than drinking out of brown ones?Personally I’m more concerned that they are recycled properly, placed in the correct bin, which can only be put out on the morning of collection, and has to be on the kerbside so that the poor little bin man doesn’t have to walk that extra couple of steps to your driveway to collect it.And they can’t even be bothered to return it to the place in which they found it – mine usually ends up half way down the street!
G LITTLEBelle VueCarlisle

What Leanne should have done

Advice from the Lucie Blackman Trust:

If you are ever thrown into the boot of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm through the hole and start waving. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

CATCH-UP - The road to hell

When Paul Connor appeared on the Street he seemed quite normal. A little bit boring, even. Ok, so he had a bit of a glint in his eye, and he was the only member of the Connor family without raven-black hair, but we had no reason to be afraid.

Then we discovered that he had a shameful secret. He'd been driving a car under-the-influence and crashed it, killing his brother-in-law. Then, with the help of the Sainted Liam, had moved the body so it looked like it was the brother-in-law who'd been driving.

Once that Pandora's box was opened, Paul Connor's shameful secrets came tumbling out. He was a bit of a cheat and a shark on the golf course, for a start. And then there was his addiction to employing professional women for professional executive relief.

In today's episodes he finally lost it, bundled a Battersby in his boot (Leanne, this was) and went careering off in his rather nice Mercedes with Chris Rea booming out an appropriate soundtrack. Meanwhile Carla was in the pub getting royally drunk while not exactly telling Michelle what had happened, and by means of various calls on mobile phones, Janice and Liam went hurtling in the direction of Paul's flat in Liam's own plush car. Then they hit a traffic jam. Belatedly they realised the traffic jam was caused by a crashed car - and the car belonged to Paul, who was slumped in the front seat unconscious (GCS 13, Casualty fans). Even more belatedly, they worked out that Leanne was in the boot.

At the hospital, they were told that Leanne would be fine, but as far as Paul was concerned they should prepare for the worst. Carla chose this moment to inform Liam that his girlfriend was a prostitute and Paul had been her best customer (only one of these statements actually being true, but then she was several sheets to the wind).

In other news:

Ken and Deirdre didn't get back together again.

Derek's wife needed a shoulder to cry on when she suspected Derek was having an affair - and the shoulder she chose was that of Liz. Subsequently, Liz told Derek it was over, and she decided to go and visit Bev and Shelley for a while.

Violet mooned about a lot about wanting a baby, and Sean clucked sympathetically. It can't be long now before the turkey baster gets an airing.

David scuppered Sarah's plans to get Jason to move in with them permanently.

CATCH-UP - Rumbled!

Why do men leave a paper trail in their suit pockets when they've been behaving badly? Yes, Paul Connor, I'm talking about you. Carla hardly had to be Miss Marple to piece together what Our Paul had been up to (or not) with the lovely Leanne, but she's worked it all out and confronted him with it. Ooooh! Expect fireworks! And of course if Liam gets his heart broken in the fallout, he knows where to come for sympathy.

I'm not happy either, because Fiz has been canoodling with the man I must call John, and I feel that sorry for poor Kirky.

And there was some business involving Liz and Vernon and Derek and Derek's wife. Nothing suburban, you understand. Thank the heavens.

Les we forget - again

Well, you just can't get away with calling people wankers (allegedly) and other "drunken antics in a family restaurant" (as ITV.com so nicely describes it). Bruce Jones, who has spent years delivering the lines of Les Battersby like they were written on the back of his hand, is now officially an ex-cast member, and Les will be seen no more. Cilla is leaving the show too, but hers is more of a scheduled departure.

I won't miss either of them, to be honest.