23.5.07

Transmission interruption


I know, this is a terrible time to be swanning off on holiday, what with the mystery of who torched Peacock Towers and the ongoing relationship sagas of Ken and Deirdre, Liam and Leanne, Michelle and Steve, Liz and (shudder) Derek and the tiny little spark of romance that I also spotted igniting between Jerry and Eileen t'other day.

But even the most avid Corrie-blogger must indulge in the occasional spell away from the telly, so I'm off on my holidays. In the meantime, if you need a fix of Corrie catch-ups, click on the links on the right. Can't promise they'll be as witty as mine, but what they lack in style they more than make up for in rigour.

22.5.07

CATCH-UP - Life


"Life is a rollercoaster," sang the quaveringly-voiced Irish pop sensation Ronan Keating. Whereas Kiwi tunesmiths Crowded House were of the opinion that it was possible to experience "four seasons in one day."


And this proved to be very much the case with yesterday's double episode of Corrie. We started off thinking that Baby Freddie had gone to join his grandfather and namesake in t'big butcher's shop in the sky, I say gone to join Fred Elliott. Then Ashley was given the confusing and disturbing news that no baby had been found in the house. Poor Claire was beside herself, Ashley was beside Claire and also beside himself, and Eileen didn't know what to think. All she could say was that she'd put Freddie to bed, kissed him, and he was certainly in the cot while that was going on.


Then the news that a baby had been found in a local park. It was alive, it was a boy, but Claire and Ashley were not to get their hopes up - it might not be Freddie. But it was Freddie, and the Peacocks were joyfully reunited. Only the news that the fire had been started deliberately, and the thought that someone had taken Freddie and left him in the park, marred their delight.


Seventies purveyors of puffed up pop tosh 10cc disagreed with Ronan Keating's assessment of life, concluding that "life is a minestrone." And Corrie is very much like a minestrone, in which ingredients are mixed and mingled to make a satisfying and hearty meal. Rather like Betty's hot-pot. Anyways, also in the soup today were Liam and Leanne. Totally loved-up, they are. Liam has gone all gushy and slushy and other things rhyming with ushy, and as such Leanne has decided that she'll still be bold but she'll no longer be a brass. She's given the escort work up, and even handed her work mobile to Janice. Now she only has the problem of trying to keep up with the happy-spending Carla when the money runs out.


I really thought that Fiz would want Kirk back when she heard about his heroic rescue of Claire, and she did look a bit twinkly at him for a second or two, but then she went to meet Drama Teacher (whom I must henceforth call "John," for that is his name) at Roy's Rolls, and told him that she realised she'd never loved Kirk, because she had experienced True Love in her life once before, and it was with John.


Michelle and Steve are also trying to experience true love, but finding time to be alone together is proving tricky.


Wish the same could be said for Steve's mother and her bit of stuff Derek. I really don't want to see him topless ever again.

21.5.07

Prime Suspect

I have a theory about who may be responsible for this fire.

Remember a while back when Blanche was convinced that Charlie Stubbs had been reincarnated as a fly? And I speculated that he wouldn't dare buzz near Tracy's cell in case she ate him with a quick snap of her vice-like jaw, like Renfield in Dracula?

Well, it's my theory that Tracy, having had time to sit in her cell brooding on recentish events, has built up a critical mass of hate-energy. Walls and distance are no match for her boiling anger.

So we can blame Tracy and her evil telekinetic powers for many recent events.

(1) The fire. She was disappointed that months of carefully priming Claire to be star witness at her trial resulted in a lukewarm effort on the day. Her wrath has erupted into flame.

(2) Amy throwing up during Steve and Michelle's first date. This is self-explanatory really - Tracy was bound to be jealous that Steve had found happiness and Amy might possibly be finding a new step-mummy. (I am also crediting her with telepathic powers here, because otherwise she wouldn't have known).

(3) Fiz and Kirk splitting up. Just because she's evil and hates other people being happy.

There are bound to be others, but I'm getting scared of her myself now.

CATCH-UP - Tragedy


The Peacock residence is truly ablaze, Claire is unconscious on the stairs... Who you gonna call? Kirk and Jamie, that's who. En route back from the kebab shop the unlikely heroes spot the fire, kick the door in, and manage to drag Claire outside. Roy and Hayley are on the scene by now, and Roy dials 999. Jerry also turns up and tries to get into the house to rescue baby Freddie, even though Jamie and Kirk tell him the fire is too bad. The fire brigade turn up and make Jerry leave.


Comic relief is provided, as ever, by Blanche. Upon seeing Eileen in her dressing gown running towards the blazing building, Blanche comments that she hopes Eileen doesn't mean to try and go into the house, "not wearing all them synthetics."


In the midst of tragedy, Deirdre's impulse is to go to Ken. At Denise's, she explains to him that she felt she wanted to hold his hand. This really should have been the cue for a tearful reunion, but it escalates into another bout of recrimination and bitterness, and Ken tells Deirdre he wants her to go. He's made a mess of rearing Tracy, and now wants to have a go at doing a better job with Daniel.


Leanne's reaction to the fire is to take refuge under Liam's arm. Sensible woman.


Claire is taken to hospital, and is still unconscious and on a ventilator. The police are trying to track down Ashley. And although some people are still holding out hope, it seems clear that little Freddie couldn't have survived the fire. At the end of the episode, Deirdre puts a teddy by the Peacocks' door, to "keep Freddie company." It's all very, very sad.

20.5.07

CATCH-UP - Fire!


Ashley and Josh have gone away somewhere. Not sure why or where (wasn't listening), but the upshot is that Claire and Baby Freddie are at home alone, and a fire has broken out in t'babby's bedroom.


This plot all seems a bit contrived, and that's because it is - originally Corrie had planned a plot in which Baby Freddie was going to be snatched by that deranged Casey. However, some details of the plot were apparently thought to be too close to the sad events in Portugal surrounding the missing child Madeleine McCann, so a hasty rewrite was called for in case people were offended/upset.


In other news, Dev asked Leanne to find him a property in Spain, and of course she couldn't because prostitutes generally aren't that well up on the property market. So she had to admit that she wasn't a property developer. Liam was looking tense as anything - until Leanne said in fact she was an ex-property developer, having just been sacked. And of course all she needed was an iddle widdle hug from Liam to make her feel better, the poor lamb.


Kirk is still upset about Fiz.

17.5.07

CATCH-UP - Claire flips!


Kirk is miserable because Fiz has dumped him.


Steve and Michelle went for a date (to th'Italian) but for various reasons had to take Amy-the-monobrowed-child with them. Amy had a "tummy upset" so they took her home, then Liz said she'd look after her so Steve and Michelle could spend "quality time" together, but their privacy was invaded by Liam (who was looking astonishingly handsome - he should shave more often) and Ryan.


Claire blew her top over the noise from Darryl's shed, and marched in to confiscate his stereo (David Platt and Rosie Webster were in there - Darryl obviously cut off all ties with former mates when he moved into the Street and has to socialise with anyone within a rough age range). She threatened that if there was any more noise, she'd burn the shed down. Ashley looked worried.

16.5.07

Liam's teeth are best - official


Alison King, who plays Carla, used to be a dental nurse in her pre-cobbles days, and says she can't help herself from appraising the teeth of her co-stars. She's quoted on the website nndb.com as saying, "I'd say Rob James-Collier, who plays Liam Connor, has the best teeth in the Corrie cast. In fact, all the actors who play the Connor family have extremely good teeth."


So another good excuse for a Liam picture! In this one, he's showing his teeth for charity.

Denise Welch interview


There's a really moving interview with Denise Welch (Corrie's marriage-wrecker Natalie Barnes) in the Daily Mail in which she talks about her 18 year battle with depression. Well worth reading.

15.5.07

CATCH-UP - Shan't be needing another hat yet


Quick catch-up now. Maria gave Kirk the idea that all Fiz wanted was to settle down and have a family, so Kirk borrowed money from Tyrone to get her an engagement ring. But when he proposed to her (he embedded the ring rather artistically in a pink iced cupcake) she said she wanted to finish with him. That drama teacher has excited passions in her, you see.
Deirdre sobbed a bit in t'butchers, because of the pitiful sadness of only buying one pork chop. And because "Ashley reminded me of Fred."
Carla and Leanne did lots of girly bonding stuff. Paul isn't pleased. Janice isn't pleased with Leanne either. Liam is very pleased with Leanne, but he is Sadly Deluded.
Note: A reader has pointed out to me that this picture looks like "a knee with a cake on it." If that was true, it would be possibly the ugliest, most peculiar knee ever seen. It is, in fact, a finger, wearing a cake-shaped ring, to illustrate (sort of) Kirk's presentation of a ring embedded in a cake. Do keep up.


What we now know


We learned a lot in today's Corrie. In no particular order:


1. If Cilla washed Chesney's PE kit every time there was muck on it, she'd never have her hands out of the washer.

2. There's a picture of Jesus arresting a cowboy hanging in Ken's hallway (at least I think that's what it is).

3. Michelle finds Steve more exciting than a cheese & pickle sandwich.

4. It's a long way to fall off a high horse.

5. Kirk's pint is full, not empty.

6. You'll never be cold in a fur coat.

7. According to Kirk, when Liam looks at Kirk, Liam's eyes go all Texas Chainsaw.

8. Emily is stressed to the max.

9. Ken is the very model of a reasonable man.


14.5.07

Les we forget - update


Chesney has finally noticed that Les hasn't been around for a while. He's only little, so they aren't telling him that it's because Les thinks (allegedly) that his co-stars are "wankers."


What they're telling Chesney is that the reason Les won't be attending his school production of Bugsy Malone is that he is currently on tour - as a roadie for "ZZ Top o'the Morning," an Irish tribute band.


Well, if we could seriously believe that Candice was Status Quo's hairdresser, we can believe that, I suppose.

CATCH-UP - Bless them


Following Deirdre's berserk behaviour in t'Rovers, Ken has more or less moved in with Denise. He's sleeping on the sofa, and they've moved his stuff from the guest house to a spot behind the sofa, so really this sofa has become the Island of Ken. Young Daniel is not best pleased, though, and is in a bit of a sulk.


But the major news is that Steve and Michelle are finally together. Hurrah! I'm picking out my wedding hat already. When Michelle found out that Paul had won a load of money from Steve, she kindly let Steve in yet another Connor family secret - that Paul is actually a bit of a golf champion and the golf club is full of trophies with his name on them. So the cheque got torn up, and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, Michelle informed Steve that she wanted a word. Or - more specifically - a kiss. Awwww.... And they're every bit as cute together as we thought they would be.


Maria is getting stroppy because she's seen Fiz making goo-goo eyes at Drama Teacher. I shall enlist Maria to my "Don't do it Fiz" campaign immediately.


And Claire was convinced that Something was lurking in the bushes in the Peacock garden. Considering the garden is about the size of a dining table, you would think it would be an easy matter to check, but Ashley chose to go indoors and lock them tight, and peer out from the conservatory with A Worried Expression. Expect developments in this plot.

12.5.07

CATCH-UP - Don't do it, Fiz!


There are worrying signs that Fiz is becoming enamoured with her old flame, Chesney's drama teacher. And what with Kirk being preoccupied with the "wrong bollocks" scandal (it looks like he'll have to sell the kennels now as they're going to get sued by the owners of this stud dog, and Kirk has been neglecting the financial side of the business most ruinously anyway). But this can't happen! Fiz and Kirk are one of the classic Corrie comedy couples, fit to take their place up there with Jack & Vera, Mavis & Derek, Roy & Hayley, Bet & Alec and of course Hilda & Stan. They're both brilliantly funny, but there's something touching about their relationship that makes them believable and lovable, and better together than they would be apart.


I'm thinking of starting a petition.


In other news, Denise and Ken turned up at t'Rovers to try and make the peace with Deirdre, with predictable results. It was Denise who ended up being slapped. No reconciliation this time, then.


Ashley and Claire commiserated with Eileen, who is missing Holly/Chloe.


And Carla confided in Liam that she thinks the reason Paul is being a bit off with Leanne is that he must have made a pass at her at some point and been rejected. Liam thinks not. But Carla is spookily close to the truth.


Meanwhile Paul was out playing golf with Steve and Dev. There was a lot of dull stuff to do with betting and macho posturing, enlivened only by Dev's increasingly bizarre squawking noises.

11.5.07

Les we forget


Bruce Jones, the actor charged with the task of bringing the concept of Les Battersby to shimmering life, is currently suspended by the show because he allegedly called his co-stars "wankers."


That's not nice. It also explains why Cilla is constantly slumped on the tiny sofa (all the sofas on Corrie are unfeasibly tiny) in front of the telly with nothing to do except roll her eyes at Chesney occasionally.

10.5.07

CATCH-UP - The Dog's


I just knew Liam was going to look gorgeous in a suit with a nice clean shirt. And he'd had a shave. Beautiful.


The occasion? A delightful dinner at Paul and Carla's, with his lovely girlfriend Leanne. As in Leanne the prostitute, and Paul her former client (though, like Bill Clinton, he never had sex with that woman). This made for an uncomfortable evening. "We could all set up in business together!" Carla suggested. Paul commented that he wasn't sure how that would work, but on reflection, an underwear factory would seem to be the perfect bed-fellow for the World's Oldest Profession. Anyway, it was all horribly awkward, but Liam, delightful Pooh-bear of a man that he is, didn't really notice.


Deirdre, egged on by Blanche, decided to visit Ken at his guest house, only to find he hadn't been there overnight. She put two and two together and got it wrong as usual, and wouldn't believe Ken later when he said he'd slept on Denise's sofa and was only interested in getting to know Daniel (which looks like it might be a tricky task - that boy is sarcasm incarnate). Ken got quite stroppy with Deirdre and threw Ray Langton and Mike Baldwin in her face (not literally: they're dead). He forgot to mention Dev.


Gail and Claire have discovered that Darryl's shed contravenes "regulations." Jerry says he'll sort it, which in Jerry-speak translates as carry on regardless.


And Kirk's got trouble at t'kennels. The vet's only gone and castrated the wrong dog! A prize-winning stud dog in Kirk's care is now without the equipment to ply his trade. There are going to be ructions. Maria's not happy, and Kirk isn't happy that Fizz has been so absorbed in Chesney's school play that she hasn't been (to lapse into Ricki Lake-speak) "there for him." Little does he know that Chesney's drama teacher is Fizz's old flame...

8.5.07

CATCH-UP - He shoots - he scores!


Yesterday, en route from a Bank Holiday visit to a garden centre to buy fishies for our pond, we passed a pub bearing a massive banner that said IT'S BANK HOLIDAY - GET DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL!


This advice was warmly embraced by the cast of Coronation Street yesterday, as most of them were in t'Rovers for the entire episode. Jack, Molly and Tyrone were in there with the baby alarm (or "Virtual Vera" as Tyrone dubbed it) so they could stay in touch with the incapacitated Vera, who was at home listening to relaxation CD's. Molly had borrowed these from her dad (remember Diggory Compton? Can you think of anyone less likely to own a full set of relaxation CDs?).


Liam was in the pub with Leanne, Janice, Carla and Paul. Apart from when Paul and Liam were out in the street, as Paul felt the need to warn Liam off the Battersby Babe. Naturally he wouldn't specify exactly why - the nearest he got was, "She's a slapper." Liam was not impressed, and indeed the second episode closed on Paul and Carla's taxi driving past Liam's doorway, through which conduit Leanne was at that very moment passing.


Despite my deep feelings of jealous torment, I can't help thinking that Leanne deserves to snog Liam - she's had to put up with a lot in terms of snogging sundry members of the Baldwin clan, bless her. She deserves a bit of a treat.


Ken popped home to collect "some more things," which seemed to consist of a carrier bag with three envelopes and a paperback in it. Did Deirdre and Blanche take the opportunity to get him to deal with Charlie-reincarnated-as-a-pesky-fly? No they didn't. Blanche did take the opportunity to suss out Denise's address, and turned up there later to spoil the reunion of Ken and Daniel. Once Denise had seen off Blanche, Ken and Daniel settled down to a game of Subbuteo. "I'm Argentina," Daniel said. "You can be any team you like as long as we don't clash." I have the feeling Daniel was speaking in metaphors. He does seem rather wise for his age, but genes will out, won't they?


And in other news, Liz had an assignation with that Derek from the brewery (I still expect to see Derek Wilton, of Mavis and Derek fame, whenever that name is mentioned). Thank goodness for the watershed because we were spared any suggestion of "activity." Seeing them snog is bad enough. Bad enough to have me reaching for the relaxation CDs. And a pint.


7.5.07

CATCH-UP - Yikes!


'Have you seen that great big fly that keeps buzzing round in our house?' Blanche asks Deirdre. Deirdre confirms that she has indeed seen it. 'Every room I go into, it's there,' Blanche elaborates, before advancing her theory that the fly is, in fact, the reincarnation of Charlie Stubbs, come back to make their lives hell (I wonder if the fly announces its arrival in every room by clearing its throat annoyingly?). Presumably buzzing around No 1 Coronation Street is a whole lot safer for Charlie-as-fly than annoying Tracy in her cell. I can just imagine Tracy grabbing the buzzing insect and swallowing it whole, like Renfield in Dracula.
One thing that Deirdre and Blanche can agree on is that, if only Ken were home, he'd deal with that pesky fly. Quite how he's expected to do this isn't clear, but possibly he's been keeping a stash of flypaper in his briefcase.
Where is Ken while there's wildlife to be tackled? He's still mildly fending off the attentions of the guest house landlady, though 'My daughter's in prison for murder' has dampened her ardour somewhat. And another meeting at the Last Chance Salon has seen Denise agree to Ken seeing Daniel.
Lianne had a new client today. Problem was, it turned out to be Paul Connor (that'd be Paul Connor, brother of Liam). Oops. He was after a bit of 'relaxation' you see. If only Dev and Steve hadn't beaten him at golf, he would've found golf relaxing enough I'm sure. But there you go. Suffice to say that though he paid Leanne for her time, no - ahem - services were rendered, and both agreed that it was better best forgotten. But Paul isn't happy now he's found out exactly what type of young woman his brother is so smitten with.
In other news, Claire and Gail are considering mounting an official protest against the offending shed, and Deirdre has advised that their case would be considerably bolstered if they knew exact measurements. Cue much hilarity involving Ashley and a tape-measure.

6.5.07

Liam's secret past


He has modelled for knitting patterns! Just like Phil Collins before him.
This is from the book 'Simply Noro' by Jane Ellison. http://theknittinggarden.com/noro-simply.htm

Who are the real Mancunians?


The Coronation Street actors born in Manchester are:


Emily, Steve, Sally, Kevin, Jason, Sarah, Jack, Maria, Les, Leanne, Rosie, Sophie, Liam.


This is not just a gratuitous excuse to include a picture of Liam.


Ok, it is.

5.5.07

CATCH-UP - Daniel who?




Relax, Ken hasn't gone far. Only to the nearby metropolis of Manchester, where the landlady of the B&B he's staying at has taken a bit of a shine to him ("I can do you another egg!"). She's a widow, you see.


But Ken already has a plethora of women in his life, and he hot foots it to see one of them - the lovely hairdresser Denise, mother of his son Daniel and owner of a coiffure that looks sorely in need of an intensive conditioning treatment.


But I digress. Ken (having lost Tracy-love to Her Majesty's Pleasure, and Adam and Peter to the heady pleasures of Portsmouth) is feeling the need to bond with something bearing his genetic legacy, in this case the boy Daniel. Denise is understandably less keen, given that Ken hasn't had anything to do with them in the years since their last meeting, other than pay an undisclosed sum into Daniel's trust fund on a regular basis. Payments which Ken will have to reduce, given that he's spent all his money on Tracy-love's legal expenses.


Anyhoo, Denise says she'll ask Daniel whether he wants to see Ken or not, and she shows Ken the door.


Then Ken pops home for some more clothes, ignoring the nicotine-drenched pleadings of Deirdre that if he'll only stay, she'll find a way to "give him space." Presumably there's a little unexploited priest hole under the stairs or something where she can stow him. Ken rejects this offer and goes back to the B&B to see if that egg is still up for grabs.


Meanwhile, Jerry is upsetting Gail and Claire via the medium of (the late) James Brown, but even this amusement can't prepare him for the bombshell his daughter Mel drops in this episode - she wants to join the police force!


And Lianne has been playing fast and loose with our Liam's affections again. Leave him alone, you wonky-eyed strumpet!

4.5.07

CATCH-UP - Ken's left Deirdre!


It was only a matter of time. That Deirdre's been even more miserable than usual since Tracy-love got banged up, and poor Ken has occasionally been lost behind clouds of fag smoke, which can't be good when you've got that beautiful white hair to maintain. But Ken has finally discovered where his spine is, and is using it to disappear to - where? We don't know yet, but Blanche is upset.
In other news, Michelle is wondering if she's blown it with Steve (course she hasn't - my money is on a Christmas wedding).
And Claire is being horrified by the sight of a semi-naked Darryl at the other side of her garden fence. I'm surprised Claire is so easily shocked. I clearly remember Maxine telling anyone who would listen that Ashley is something of a Dr Lurve, so you'd think Claire would know her way round the male physique by now. Compared to the man who put the butch in butcher, Darryl is a mere skinny boy.
Liam watch - he was wearing black again. I'm offering up regular prayers to my voodoo soap effigy (it's made of soap!) that when Paul leaves the Street he will bequeath Liam his range of black shirts and suits. There is, of course, the vague hope that Liam will have to wear a suit for Michelle and Steve's wedding, which (as I said) I've already pencilled in for Christmas. Liam is almost perfect, but a good shave and a decent suit and - oooh, I need to lie down...