CATCH-UP - Men!

Casey and Ashley in the conservatory, K.I.S.S.I.N.G And as semi-nude as you're allowed to be on Corrie before the watershed. Honestly, in the conservatory of all places - overlooking the garden with the knee-high fence and the neighbours who are forever hanging washing out or having barbecues.

And where was Claire? At an unspecific "support group," at Casey's suggestion. She almost caught them at it, but not quite.

As if that wasn't enough excitement, Pat left his mobile in t'cab office, and Eileen, Steve and Lloyd were eventually unable to resist finding out who was texting him every five minutes. It was other women. Not his wife, who turns out to be fictional, but other women generally. "I'm a salesman. I get lonely," he whinged when confronted by Eileen. So he's dumped (and received a firm smack in the mouth as well). Eileen can cope with being the other woman, she just can't cope with being one of a string of women. She does have her pride, you know.

So she's gone off on holiday to Malta with Steve, who can't cope with not being contacted by Michelle. So much for giving Our Amy a stable environment.

And Sally is being helped in her literary ambitions by Fiz's boyfriend/Sophie's teacher John (time was when anyone who needed intellectual input would knock on Ken Barlow's door.... ). I do hope there isn't going to be any funny business. Sally does have a bit of a track record of getting too friendly with men who aren't Kevin.

CATCH-UP - Marvellous

All of Corrie's writers are good, but two or three of them (Jonathan Harvey, Daran Little and Damon Rochefort) are, IMO, proper geniuses.

It makes such a difference when the episode is written by one of them. Last night's was by Jonathan Harvey, and it was a cracker. Not much happened, mind: Sean couldn't contain the news that Violet was pregnant so he told (of all people) Jamie, so now Violet has a strop on with him. And the chippy closed down, so now Cilla is waging war on the kebab shop. And Steve came back from his holidays.

But the brilliance of it was in the details - it was a laugh a minute, with some lovely dialogue. I don't think it's any coincidence that I had a dream last night that I was in a spy-reality show with Neil Morrissey and Martin Clunes, because Jonathan Harvey's brand of writing genius is very similar to Simon Nye's in Men Behaving Badly.

I'm aware that this isn't much of a catch-up, but there wasn't all that much up with which to catch. And that's the marvellousness of Corrie - when it's at its best, it doesn't need to rely on sensational storylines. Just great writing, great acting and characters we care about.

CATCH-UP - Tasty

The Duckworth grandson, Paul, wooed Leanne with his carbonara ("Best I've ever 'ad!" said the girl who was brought up by Janice and Les - so she's bound to be a gourmet), so he's now employed as head (and only) chef.

Violet did a pregnancy test, which made her cry. We aren't supposed to be sure at this stage if they were tears of joy or disappointment, but I'll give you a clue - I'm knitting bootees.

Sally is doing an English Literature A level. She has to read The Tempest, Pride and Prejudice and Howard's End. Good luck with that, then.

CATCH-UP - Peacock's tale

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, as the song goes. I've always thought that was somewhat dodgy advice.

The one Ashley loves is Claire, but she's still at her mum's with Baby Freddie (whose hair has mysteriously straightened recently - one might even suspect he was being played by More Than One Child). And the one he's with has been, at various times, Our Joshua, Kevin Webster, Kirk and - increasingly - Casey. That Casey has been winkling her way into his affections with the ruthless inexorability of MRSA, and the double episode ended with them kissing. Ashley is hideously embarrassed, and Casey has assured him it'll all be forgotten about by t'morning, but I doubt that, somehow.

In other news, we still don't know if Violet is pregnant, but Sean is becoming very irritating as he waits for news.

Leanne's fortunes at t'restaurant go from bad to worse. She's just discovered that Vera and Jack's grandson is a chef, and she needs a chef... how long before he's installed in her kitchen? Oh, someone just phone Gordon Ramsay, pronto.

CATCH-UP - Love Man

Music is the food of love, as anyone who's ever listened to Damon Albarn will testify.

Liz employed the power of music, namely that of Otis Redding, to persuade Vernon not to leave her. She cunningly supplied Lloyd with a tape of a musical history of her relationship with Vernon, to play in the car on the way to th'airport, where Vernon was bound for some hedonistic musical residence in Malaga, or Maguluf, or one of those Spanish places beginning in Mag.

It worked! By the end of the episode Vernon's hang-dog face was back at t'Rovers and all was right with the world.

Only not quite, because this is a soap, and if everyone was happy there'd be no reason to watch it tomorrow. So we still have Ashley and Claire at odds with each other, still have Casey worming her way into Ashley's affections.

And we still have Leanne making a right mess of the restaurant trade. She was even reduced to asking Carla to be a sleeping partner, with a £20,000 investment in exchange for a 30% share of the business. But, like a scene from Dragon's Den, Carla said she'd give her the £20k, but would want a 60% share. "Then you'd be me boss," fretted Leanne, her wonky eyes getting wonkier by the second. Carla said take it or leave it, Leanne decided she'd leave it.

In other news, I heard on the radio yesterday that Liz Dawn, who has played Vera Duckworth since almost the beginning of time (1974) will be leaving the show this year due to ill health. The end of an (V)era.

CATCH-UP - Women, eh?

Joanne's sick of being a yo-yo and she's putting her foot down. She's threatening to take Liam and Carla to a tribunal - her for unfair dismissal and him for sexual harrassment. "You think you're God's gift to women!" she says to Liam.

Look at him, you fool - he is God's gift to woman, and I, for one, am eternally grateful.

(Which doesn't make sexual harrassment right, of course, but he didn't, actually).

Elsewhere, Casey is making herself indispensable to Ashley. Sneaky mare.

And I forgot to mention previously, but Roger admitted to Janice the other day that he has no money - he gave it all to Leanne. And today Leanne made a right mess up of things in t'restaurant (she gives away free wine, and it doesn't take Gordon Ramsey to point out that this is financial suicide). The chef and head/only waiter have quit, and she is up excrement creek without a paddle.

CATCH-UP - Don't scare the Peacocks

Claire needs a bit of space, so she's packed Baby Freddie and his amusing halo of hair and gone to her mother's, leaving Ashley and Our Joshua to fend for themselves. At times like these a girl Needs A Friend, and since former bezzie mate Tracey "Murderess" Barlow is banged up, Claire turned to her new/old close pal "Head" Casey for sympathy-slash-support. Which Casey was very happy to provide, and her cheering up of Claire complete, she then went and visited Ashley. It seems that Casey may well have designs on the butch butcher - they were sitting a bit too close on one of the famously small Corrie sofas, and at one point Casey was actually stroking Ashley's arm! Yikes! He was only saved by the timely appearance of Our Joshua.

Meanwhile, Joanne has assumed the status of human yo-yo, as Carla sacks her one minute only for Liam to reinstate her the next.

And Eileen introduced Pat to her son and her daughter-in-law-to-be. They got on famously, but after Pat had gone Eileen dropped the bombshell that he was married. Sarah-Love and Our Jason were shocked.