CATCH-UP - Lovely Rita

Michelle's forgiven Steve, but reminded him that She Demands Total Honesty in a relationship. Good luck with that, then.

Michelle's stunning black hair has been looking a tad too sculptural since she came back from Ireland. It just looks too high-maintenance to be the hair of a recently bereaved/single mother/part-time barmaid. One might almost suspect her of being an actress...

Casey has been spotted by various people at various times in various dressing gowns, wandering around Peacock Towers. Ashley had a go at Kevin for being concerned, thus proving what a guilty conscience he has. "We 'aven't done anything wrong," he reassured Casey. I'll leave him to take that one up at the Pearly Gates when the time comes.

Rita is back. "Rita! You're back!" exclaimed everybody. This alerted me to the fact that Rita had been away, a fact I'd missed. Okay, so she wasn't much in evidence, but I assumed she was in t'back of t'shop, or at t'cash and carry. She's probably been to Cartmel to visit Mavis. Has her return thrown a spanner in the works of Norris's courtship of Doreen, or is Rita his true love? Or Emily? Or Blanche? Etc etc etc.

Sally and Kevin discovered that Rosie (or "Wosie" as Sally pronounces it) is quitting school in order to be a full-time, permanent knicker factory administrator. They weren't pleased - all those school fees down the drain! But I can see the attraction in Underworld. His name is Liam Connor.

And finally, you'll be relieved to hear that Dev has recovered from his salad cream overdose.

CATCH-UP - Steve, just tell the truth

It's all unfurled exactly as predicted - Michelle forgave Steve for kissing a lady on holiday because he said he couldn't go any further because his love for Michelle made it impossible. Then of course she found out that it was Glen and not Glenda Steve was kissing, and the reason Steve hadn't gone any further was that he is no fan of musical theatre, and she's cross with him again. Snore.

Meanwhile, Dev explained that he loved salad cream. He'd had a flirtation with tomato pickle, but it just didn't work for him, and nor did mayonnaise. It had to be salad cream. He couldn't get enough of salad cream, he said, smothering his sandwich in that delicious condiment. But he overdid it, spluttered a bit, and subsequently swore off salad cream temporarily.

It was a bit like that, last night's double episode - full of these little moments that were amusing and slightly surreal, and made you feel like you'd perhaps nodded off and missed something.

I suppose I should mention that Casey spent the night with Ashley (we assume, as she was at Peacock Towers in the morning, wearing Clurr's dressing gown). So, girls, we now know that the way to a man's heart is to ply him with jacket spuds, tuna and salad.

Audrey is concerned about the way Casey is worming her way into Ashley's life and told him so, but he is in Guilty Denial.

Poor Sally is having a hard time at t'factory, as her own daughter has now been trained to supervise her stitching technique and it has been found wanting. Liam (bless) is not that happy at the way Carla uses Rosie to humiliate Sally. But Sally got the best line of the evening, when Janice was ribbing her about her daughter, and Sally commented that she was currently studying a play of great relevance to Janice's daughter: 'Tis Pity She's a Whore.

CATCH-UP - Plodding on

I haven't posted an episode catch-up for a few days. This is partly because I've had family members staying with me so I haven't had that much time, but also partly because I'm so bored with the "dude looks like a lady" post-Malta nonsense that my eyeballs start to bleed when I think of it.

Which is not to say that it's been all bad on t'Street recently. Last night's episode was written by Damon Rochefort, one of the trinity of writing geniuses, so it had its fair share of laughs and good lines.

Dev intimated that he might invest in the restaurant, and that his reward would be "fun." Leanne took this to mean that he was banking on her moral fibres still being loose, but as we know she's tightened them up recently, so she showed him the door.

Tyrone has been called away to Spain to sort out his mother, who has been arrested for being part of a shoplifting ring. Now, if the Corrie crew were desperate for some away days, that would have been a much more fun storyline than the Maltese transsexual scenario, as long as they could have persuaded Margi Clarke to reprise her brilliant role as Tyrone's mum. I think Tyrone is a very under-used character.

Casey continues to move in on Ashley - more or less literally, since she's persuaded Claire that yet another spell at her mother's is just the thing she needs. Claire's mother ought surely by now to be gripping her offspring by the shoulders and giving her the "a marriage won't work unless you put some effort in" speech. Meanwhile, Casey is wooing Ashley via the medium of jacket spuds and tuna.

Liam was spotted the other day, but it was more of a brief glimpse than anything to report about. Looking lovely, though.

And there's been some nonsense about Norris forming a little club of Angela's ex-husbands. One of them is Keith Barron, stalwart of many a 70s drama. The point of this being that Norris has confessed to them that there is a woman in his life with whom he would like to be closer. Is it Rita? Emily? Rita's friend whose name I've forgotten? Blanche Hunt? Or, God forbid, Leanne?

Blogger won't let me upload any photos today, so apologies for the lack of visual interest.

CATCH-UP - Michelle's back. But Liam hasn't been seen for weeks...

Michelle and Steve are back together again. Ahhhhhhh....

She's told him she wants a commitment - no secrets, ever. Not ever, mind. I'm wondering whether the tedious Maltese ladyboy incident will come back to haunt Steve but can't imagine how. It's definitely not going to be plain-sailing for these two, not with Michelle issuing ultimatums like that. It's the soap equivalent of an unexploded bomb.

But in the meantime, my wedding hat is back out of mothballs and looking ravishing. I just have to ponder matching shoes now.

Wedding preparations are also preoccupying Sarah-love and Our Jason. Yawn.

The Tempest is preoccupying Sally, and Kevin has had to cater for the family using salad ingredients, such is the level of his wife's neglect.

Leanne was searching for a mug - I mean, investor. Who do we know on the Street who's got quite a few quid and is susceptible to a bit of female flattery? Step forward Dev Alahan.

The police were hovering around asking questions about t'fire. Claire thinks they think she did it. Claire's wondering if Ashley did it. I'm thinking of going round and finishing the job - but only if I can be interrogated afterwards by that lovely Scouse copper who investigated Tracey-love's bludgeoning of Charlie Stubbs.

CATCH-UP - My Malta hell

Today's episode, sponsored by the Malta tourist board (not really, still sponsored by Cadbury), featured Eileen and Steve wandering around scenic backdrops pondering their lack of luck in love. These Malta episodes have been totally pointless and dull, and I won't be booking a holiday to Malta any time soon.

Back in the Street, Roger is moving in wi' Janice because of his financial situation. Janice isn't that thrilled, but it's a case of needs must.

Needs must for Sarah too, as she plies the vicar with fig rolls in an attempt to convince him that his scenic church is just the spot for the Platt/Grimshaw nuptials.

And Norris received news that his ex-wife Angela is now his late ex-wife Angela. She expired on the golf course, apparently, and was below par at the time. "They usually are," commented Norris.

Yawn. Steve and Eileen are abroad. What is there lots of, abroad? Ladies who are really men, that's what. Only because it's abroad, they look more like ladies than men, unlike Hayley, who really is a lady playing a lady who used to be a man, but with a very bad wig on.

Are you following this? Well, basically Steve met a gorgeous brunette at the hotel bar, and they bonded over a shared rendition of Two Out of Three Ain'tBad at the karaoke. Steve should really have known something was up when she sang it perfectly in the same register as Meatloaf himself, but he had his beer goggles firmly in place by then. It could have all ended in a visit to the Jeremy Kyle Show, but this is Corrie, so it didn't.

And back in Weatherfield, Sarah-love is steaming ahead with her plans for The Wedding of the Century II.

CATCH-UP - Confessions from a small island

I'm a creature of habit. I like things to be cosy, familiar. That's probably why I like Coronation Street so much.

What I don't like is "away days" - episodes of set-based dramas which suddenly go on location to sunny countries for no better reason than that the crew fancy a few days in the sun.

Last night's Corrie featured Eileen and Steve in Malta, wandering around a series of scenic backdrops. I've never been to Malta, but it looked truly depressing - horses and carriages, cacti and blazing sun. Nightmare. Malta in this episode also featured Robin Askwith, who used to be in those Confessions soft-porn-comedy films in the 70s (he lives in Malta, apparently). He hasn't aged well, and the bags under his eyes were bigger than Eileen's suitcase.

Anyway, we left Eileen and Steve sharing a bed. He was out cold after a cold beer too many, and she was grumpy. Not terribly worth the carbon emissions generated by getting them out there in the first place, but there you go.

At least it diverted attention from Casey's irritating interventions in the life of the Peacocks.

But the episode wasn't all bad. We had Tyrone (surely the love child of Ray Winstone) being horrible to the Duckworth grandson, so that was worth the price of admission.