Candice!

Oh bliss, oh joy, Candice is coming back! Only briefly, apparently, but the light that shines half as long burns twice as bright, or whatever it is.

Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to seeing her. I hope she gets time with Audrey - I love those two together (m'darling).

CATCH-UP - A deathly Paul

He's gone. The Connor family now only has raven-haired members left, as Paul Connor and his more generalised darkish hair are no more.

Michelle didn't manage to get to the hospital in time to say goodbye. She wouldn't have gone at all if Steve hadn't persuaded her (he's a keeper, that one). When she finally did arrive, Carla was sobbing over her dearly departed, and Liam was in tears, too. Soon we had a weeping Connor combo (picture borrowed from itv.com website).

Later on, Leanne tried to explain things to Liam, but the poor thing is just raw with grief and literally threw her out in the street (much to the amusement of a passing Kelly).

Elsewhere, Ken offered to move out of Denise's. Daniel looked thrilled with that plan, but Denise said of course Ken must stay as long as he likes.

Eileen and Jerry (formerly known as Sinbad off Brookie) bonded while cleaning up at Ashley and Claire's. That's when good neighbours become good friends (I am really mixing up my soaps now).

And David Platt did his biology exam. This was because Amber bet him that he wouldn't pass. He hasn't done his other exams and doesn't plan to do any future ones, and Gail can't make him - she's not as cunning as Amber, you see.

Bottled

I loved this letter from the News & Star, a Cumbria-based newspaper:

I READ with some amusement the complaint by William Gill that he finds Coronation Street characters drinking out of bottles disgusting (News & Star, June 4).I couldn’t believe that he was so upset that he felt the need to write in to the local paper to complain.There obviously can’t be much wrong in the world if this is all that gets his dander up! What about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the fortnightly rubbish collections, the list is endless.Mr Gill even points to the fact that the bottles are usually green; does this make the habit more disgusting than drinking out of brown ones?Personally I’m more concerned that they are recycled properly, placed in the correct bin, which can only be put out on the morning of collection, and has to be on the kerbside so that the poor little bin man doesn’t have to walk that extra couple of steps to your driveway to collect it.And they can’t even be bothered to return it to the place in which they found it – mine usually ends up half way down the street!
G LITTLEBelle VueCarlisle

What Leanne should have done

Advice from the Lucie Blackman Trust:

If you are ever thrown into the boot of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm through the hole and start waving. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

CATCH-UP - The road to hell

When Paul Connor appeared on the Street he seemed quite normal. A little bit boring, even. Ok, so he had a bit of a glint in his eye, and he was the only member of the Connor family without raven-black hair, but we had no reason to be afraid.

Then we discovered that he had a shameful secret. He'd been driving a car under-the-influence and crashed it, killing his brother-in-law. Then, with the help of the Sainted Liam, had moved the body so it looked like it was the brother-in-law who'd been driving.

Once that Pandora's box was opened, Paul Connor's shameful secrets came tumbling out. He was a bit of a cheat and a shark on the golf course, for a start. And then there was his addiction to employing professional women for professional executive relief.

In today's episodes he finally lost it, bundled a Battersby in his boot (Leanne, this was) and went careering off in his rather nice Mercedes with Chris Rea booming out an appropriate soundtrack. Meanwhile Carla was in the pub getting royally drunk while not exactly telling Michelle what had happened, and by means of various calls on mobile phones, Janice and Liam went hurtling in the direction of Paul's flat in Liam's own plush car. Then they hit a traffic jam. Belatedly they realised the traffic jam was caused by a crashed car - and the car belonged to Paul, who was slumped in the front seat unconscious (GCS 13, Casualty fans). Even more belatedly, they worked out that Leanne was in the boot.

At the hospital, they were told that Leanne would be fine, but as far as Paul was concerned they should prepare for the worst. Carla chose this moment to inform Liam that his girlfriend was a prostitute and Paul had been her best customer (only one of these statements actually being true, but then she was several sheets to the wind).

In other news:

Ken and Deirdre didn't get back together again.

Derek's wife needed a shoulder to cry on when she suspected Derek was having an affair - and the shoulder she chose was that of Liz. Subsequently, Liz told Derek it was over, and she decided to go and visit Bev and Shelley for a while.

Violet mooned about a lot about wanting a baby, and Sean clucked sympathetically. It can't be long now before the turkey baster gets an airing.

David scuppered Sarah's plans to get Jason to move in with them permanently.

CATCH-UP - Rumbled!

Why do men leave a paper trail in their suit pockets when they've been behaving badly? Yes, Paul Connor, I'm talking about you. Carla hardly had to be Miss Marple to piece together what Our Paul had been up to (or not) with the lovely Leanne, but she's worked it all out and confronted him with it. Ooooh! Expect fireworks! And of course if Liam gets his heart broken in the fallout, he knows where to come for sympathy.

I'm not happy either, because Fiz has been canoodling with the man I must call John, and I feel that sorry for poor Kirky.

And there was some business involving Liz and Vernon and Derek and Derek's wife. Nothing suburban, you understand. Thank the heavens.

Les we forget - again

Well, you just can't get away with calling people wankers (allegedly) and other "drunken antics in a family restaurant" (as ITV.com so nicely describes it). Bruce Jones, who has spent years delivering the lines of Les Battersby like they were written on the back of his hand, is now officially an ex-cast member, and Les will be seen no more. Cilla is leaving the show too, but hers is more of a scheduled departure.

I won't miss either of them, to be honest.